重读《我与地坛》启明版

这些文字,放在心里很久了.正如这本书放在那里.很久了.终于.又一次翻开了那本书.也终于决定要写这篇文章.

那本书放在那.有种感觉.仿佛是命运中注定的.迟早要翻开它的.有些东西从前没有想到的.命运将带我回来重新领悟那些东西.

第一次读到史铁生的文字.恐怕也是和大多数人一样.在高一的语文书上有《我与地坛》的节选.虽是节选.也很长.但是原文更长.很可惜的是.那只是选修课文.但是我也庆幸是选修.让我不至于把它像小白鼠那要解剖得以至于无趣.在中学语文老师不断的抱怨声中.选修课文也成了我们的在题海外的闲暇时刻合法的休闲读物.那本不薄的语文书中.有那么多的文章.但是给我印象最为深刻的.还是这篇被忽略的《我与地坛》.我想.它不一定是其中最好的.但是肯定是最真诚的之一.

我以为《我与地坛》是史铁生写的最好的文字.后来了解到的确很好.以至于导致一时洛阳纸贵.那是1990年.我还只有3岁.尚在牙牙学语中.现在.当我在图书管预约这本书的时候.感到很高兴.还有这么多人喜欢.

十七年后.曾经的儿童长成了青年.再来翻看这些文字.如此的清凉透彻.一如清冽的泉水.好似在静默的地坛里面.同样的静默.在夕阳的余晖中.慢慢的融入了地坛的安静中.淹没在时间的尘埃……

得承认.我曾经嫉妒史铁生.是那么的嫉妒.以至于我也想截瘫.嫉妒他的残疾?是的.我怀疑是否有人能够想通.但那无关紧要.我以为.如果不是那双腿.是不会有现在的史铁生的.当然也不会有我这样的想法.那双腿.在史铁生最狂妄的年龄上忽的残废了.是的.残废了.给史铁生带来了无尽的痛苦.人生.由不得他.走向了另一个方向.其实.我又怎么想的是残疾呢?我只是想.人生走另外一条路.可是我能够做到麽?

人在遭遇挫折的时候.总会要想些什么.对于一个在青春时候狂妄的人而言.失去双腿带来的变化是如此之大.失落.无望.不知道活着干什么.是的.那是一段孤独无助的时期.我想.但是.他有足够的时间.去遐想.去解决现实问题.地坛容纳了这位无助的年轻人.用他的历经了百年沧桑的怀抱.拥着他.终而.他想了”为什么要出生”.他恨上天.为什么要这样对待他.但是无论怎么想.这一切都已经成了实际.是的.失去双腿的现实无法改变.只能接受这个现实.

终而.他想明白了.他觉得这是”上帝交给的一个事实”.”而上帝在给予这个事实的时候.同时也保证了结果.死是必然降临的节目.无需着急……”.在《命若琴弦》中.老瞎子终于明白为何师父告诉他不是800根琴弦.而是1000根.那是因为他师父最终也知道了.所谓的药单不过是一张白纸.但是他们一直以来生的希望.都寄托在那个上面.但谎言最终还是被知晓了.可是人还得活下去.于是他告诉小瞎子.要拉断1200根琴弦作为药引子.一如史铁生所说的.人总会给自己找个的理由活下去.人总得给自己找个理由.

史铁生的文字.是那么的恬静.没有那份喧嚣与浮躁.一如静默的地坛.久久的.默默的.在那里.守着那份沉静:

我想.人不如死了好.不如不出生好.不如压根儿没有这个世界好.可你并没有去死.我又想到了那是一件不必着急的事.可是不必着急的事并不证明是一件必要拖延的事呀!你总是决定活下来.这说明什么?事的.我还是想活着.人为什么活着.因为人想活着.说到底事这么一回事.人真正的名字叫做:欲望……可我不怕死.有时候我真的不怕死.有时候.说对了.不怕死和想去死事两回事.

重读这一段.在寂静的地坛.史铁生冥思苦想.将那些许多困惑.一一的找了一个答案.然后.写了下来.给我们这群在光怪陆离的社会中的人.我以为.有时候.死是绝望……

有时候想.寻根究底的人.不知道是幸运还是不幸.是个悲剧麽.活着的时候是一种痛苦的挣扎.离开的时候却带着幸福的微笑……一如萨特所言.自由是痛苦的

在一个看似前途无限的未来面前.停下脚步.”来大学干什么?活着干什么?”记得曾经看过王怡写的《在作弊中慢慢成长》.那是一片好文章.好似一个晴天霹雳.在走出了高考那沉重的阴影下.迈出了人生另一步.但是现实却带来许多困惑:先是马加爵.还有北京动物园那可怜的熊.还有王垠的退学.贾怡的自杀.太多的事前所未有的震撼着心灵.

于是.学会了怀疑目的.怀疑人生.是的.人总要面对很多的问题.有时会困惑.有时困惑会让人难以接受.我想”生不是自己选择的.可是死.可以由我们自己决定.”不知道是幸运.还是不幸.我总喜欢寻根究底.同时也就注定了我的悲剧.但有时候不知道是喜剧还是悲剧.没有一个想选择的评价标准.活着的时候是一种痛苦的挣扎.离开的时候却带着幸福的微笑……

有时候.总觉得.人就是有太多的东西.有太多的资本.带来了太多的欲望.总觉得我便是其中一个……但人的精力总归有限的.什么都想做的后果就是什么都做不好.学不会放弃.可是即便我们学会了放弃.可是还有家人.还有其他的人.还有整个社会.我们不是一个人.社会人的性质注定我们不能如愿.我们在不断的寻找在自我和周围的平衡中……

生活在社会中.人便不能不受到社会的影响.而我们也都想左右别人.当我们用自己的价值观来看待问题时.也希望别人来这样.身在这个社会.不同的人有不同的期求.于是我们活得太累.我们有各种各样的期望.同时也迷失了自己.于是我们都没有了乐趣……自然造我们的时候.是没有期望我们怎样的.她创造了我们.便将我们抛弃.他相信我们是她的子女.会有自己的路.她无法左右.也不想左右吧……

是的.一条路.其实也可以不走的.我就停在那里.看着天空.看着.忘记目的.忘记所有.只有.时间.缓慢的流淌……不过短视的忘记还有另外一条路.

竟而.恍然大悟.才明白.其实.可以选择不走的.”生不是自己选择的.可是死.可以由自己决定.”是的.人都想活着.而且想方设法的让自己活着.一如《毒药》里面那人.尚还记得.死是一种解脱.比疯了好受.

有时候.达到目标.寻找到了某样东西.未必是一件好事.意味着你丧失了一个努力的方向.活着是很无聊的.你总得找点事做.当人无欲无求的时候.好像.活着.也没有什么太大的依恋了…所以我也不怕死.我有时也想死.但是我总还有欲望.人都忍不住要为生存找一些牢靠的理由

然而.生存于这个世界上.我们便要去面对这个世界.也不得不面对这个世界……

原本为了启明书屋的征文修改的.可是最终还是错过了时间.也罢吧.就这样吧…

原文:重读《我与地坛》

发布者

巫山霏云

巫山霏云,87年生巨蟹,文科生,IT男,喜读书,不求甚解,

《重读《我与地坛》启明版》有112个想法

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